Saturday, November 14, 2009

37.

I imagine it a lot. I think about how it would feel, and not just physically of course but how it would make me feel to have such a connection to another person. The idea intrigues me, if not positively frightens me. I’m not so sure if I’d ever be able to let myself be touched by another person. I don’t think I could ever trust someone to hold something that precious, to take something that means so much to me. Not yet anyway.

When it happens, if it happens, I don’t have any silly fantasies on location or what will be said. I think that if it’s the right person I’ll just know it, despite where we are or however cheesy we speak to each other. It will just fall into place simply because it was supposed to and we won’t need to convince ourselves that it’s the right thing because it just will be.

I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone enough to be so close to me and that hurts. I desperately want someone but I know that it’s going to take a lot for it to happen, more waiting than anything, but when it’s right it’s right and I won’t even second guess myself because there will be no reason to. We’ll just attract ourselves to one another and not even wonder why we’re so in love. I think that’s what I need. Unquestionable devotion and need. Unquestionable love.

(Cinematics – Merry Meet)

That’s so true.

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